Last night Chickie said I should start a blog. Ha ha ha! Yeah, maybe I’ll do that.
I’ve had so much bouncing around in my head that it’s hard to know where to start. God has been at work on my heart. He is showing me things about Himself and His desire for my life. It’s like one of those movies where you see bits and pieces of a mystery but it doesn’t all come together until the end. Not that I’m at the end… but I’m finally understanding how God is using those bits and pieces strewn over my lifetime to weave together a story – and it isn’t my story. It’s His.
I am off of my antidepressant meds now. I feel more like me again. I am grateful that I had access to the medication I needed when I needed it. And I am grateful to be done with them now. I still have anxiety and those meds are usually close at hand – just in case.
My adult life has been one of a series of transitions. I love to move – not the actual act of moving but the settling in at a new place. I love to arrange furniture, paint, re-arrange, build, completely change my mind. I have always wondered when I would settle down – which house would be our forever home – which church family would see our grandkids. I am learning that God created me this way… to desire change, to be willing to drop everything and follow. It’s not discontentment that pushes me. That realization is exciting to me. I’m not flawed. I’m wonderfully created to be like this. I wonder where this will lead.
I know this post isn’t very fluid. That’s okay. Reminds me of the scene in Finding Forrester when he tells the boy to start typing by copying a manuscript and that when he starts to find his own words coming out to let them; that he needed the motion of typing to loosen the words. I just needed to start typing…