So often I have thought about stopping by to blog and then I would think about how far behind I am. I would be defeated before I even started. I’m only going to do a little recap and then jump in to where I am now.
Fasten your seat belts… In February my son was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor on the left side of his head. Shortly after the diagnosis he started having simple partial seizures. Steps were put into place to start the process of getting to surgery. We are now on the pre-eve – eve of the day of surgery. There. You’re all caught up.
Here it is, Tuesday night. Surgery is Thursday morning. What a crazy ride this has been. It’s been so hard for me to put words to what I was thinking and feeling and living. My family has been amazing. My own immediate family – my girls. Oh, my girls. Especially Chickie. She has sacrificed and tolerated and cried and laughed and turned the other cheek…. I am so proud of her and so thankful for her. My extended family – my parents, siblings, and nieces. They check in on us, give us alone time, give us family time, surround us with support. I could not do this without them right here. Friends of family have written letters, comments, postcards, notes, sent checks, sent care packages, brought meals. The Boy reads every card and every note. And Every. Single. Time. he is blown away by the support of strangers and loved ones alike. It is such a blessing to be able to show him what the family of God can do. It’s not just a Sunday school lesson to him. He’s living it and seeing the body at work. Thank you.
Here it is, Tuesday night. It’s so hard to put into words how I am feeling. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has this in His hands. I try hard to pray for us to drawn closer to Him in whatever way that means. A few years ago I had a very vivid dream in which my son had been murdered and I was facing the woman responsible for his death. In my dream I knew that God wanted me to tell her that He loved her. I wanted to tell her but just then they dug up his body and I woke myself from the dream screaming. I was so shaken and so upset. I had to go check on my son and then I sat on the couch with my Bible. I was immediately drawn to the story of Abraham and Isaac and I felt God asking me if I would sacrifice my son for Him.
Here I sit… only a couple of days away from my son’s brain surgery. I have been haunted by that dream and by the prayers that followed. Surely not… But what if? I try really hard not to think about what if… good or bad. I am trying to trust that God is going to provide.