Monthly Archives: October 2011


I can’t quite put my finger on what it is about abandoned houses that draws me in.  It makes me sick to see the condition of these houses.  They were someone’s home.  Who were they?  What were they like?  Are the still alive?  Where are they now?  What is their story?  What is their STORY?  I think that’s what it really is…. each of those houses holds a story.  I look at each one and I can easily imagine a family…. what Christmast looked like, summertime with kids in the yard, fall with pumpkins on the porch…  Maybe it was a family that struggled… a single mom raising 2 boys, a husband with a sick wife.  Maybe there was a lot of joy when a child came home from the war.  There were prom dresses, engagements, births, sickness, birthdays, loss, pets, chores, grandparents, Easter egg hunts… All of it.  I want to walk through the houses, touch the walls, imagine each room filled with furniture, maybe find a forgotten photo tucked in a closet.


Never gonna grow up

Beans:  Do I have to go to school tomorrow?
Me:  No.  It’s fall break.  You’re off all week.
Beans:  Do you have to go to work?
Me:  Yes.  I don’t get a fall break.
Beans:  That’s not fair!  When do you get lots of days off to celebrate?
Me:  I don’t.  We don’t really get breaks at work.
Beans:  That’s not fair!!


The house is still and quiet.  It’s not even 9 pm.  This is a rarity.  I love to “listen” to the silence.  It’s a funny thing this silence.  It gives me pause to reflect on my love for my family.  That is what I think about most often.  How in love with them I am.  Their little quirks, their smiles and humor, the quick hugs, the simple routines and traditions, the cowlicks and freckles, the warmth… the all pour forth love.  I am so blessed.

My husband is my anchor.  He does so much for me and never complains.  He’s a great father and very involved in our kids’ lives.  We don’t bicker and rarely ever fight to the point of anger.  Sure we disagree but we talk and move on.  I love that.  God knew we need that in each other.  He is my sounding board.  He is my best friend.  I love spending time with him and hate to be away from him for more than a day.  He wrote a note to me that I have taped to my computer.  It says “You are my heart.”  He is my heart.

Oh Chickie is so beautiful.  She has such a tender heart.  I love watching her with children and animals.  She has always been an awesome child but this year… she is blossoming.  It is amazing to watch.  I cannot express how much I love her.

My Boy steals my heart with his smile.  He loves to hug and snuggle – both with my and my hubby.  He loves to be affectionate – even to his sister – mostly because it grosses her out and he finds this immensely entertaining.  He is so creative and I love to see what he comes up with… his stories, his drawings, his Lego creations.

Beans is my joy and never fails to make me smile.  I am always surprised at how different she is from her siblings and yet how she can be just like them too.  She is fiercely independent.  And passionate.  This child will love with the deepest love and cry with anguish and hate with the heat of a thousand fires.  She will move mountains.

I love my family.  The uniqueness of our personalities blending together to form a tight knit group.  I am so blessed.  I am so thankful.  I am so in love.

The Usual

If you’re anything like me you have a hard time ordering anything new at a restaurant.  We all have our favorites.  Dishes that we know are delicious.  We order them up just the way we want them:  Salad hold the lettuce, tomatoes, onions.  (Yes, I have heard that ordered.  I probably forgot a few other things he doesn’t like on his “salad”. Hee hee)  Our meal will not disappoint.  I mean, what if we dared to order something new and we didn’t like it??  How sad. 

Maybe you aren’t like me.  Maybe you’re adventurous and like to try new foods.  You order things like a Big Mac with Egg or a Lamar bar with raspberry filling.  (shudder!)  You can enter any restaurant and have a dozen favorite dishes.  Kudos to you.  Oh, and can I just try a bite of that?

The same holds true when I walk into a coffee shop.  I always order the same thing.  I pretend to look at the menu.  But every time it’s an iced caramel macchiato with extra drizzle (fo’ shizzle).  I say that last part in my head every single time too.  During the winter I actually have a small rotation of drinks: caramel brulee, caramel apple cider, or a hot caramel macchiato.

Then a funny thing happened.  I was gifted an espresso machine.  After some trial and error I found just the right vanilla and caramel and espresso and I now make my favorite drink at home.  Maybe a little too often, the jeans are getting snug.  But that’s not the funny thing.  No.  Now, on the rare occasion, when I find myself in the coffee shop I find myself ordering things like a salted caramel mocha or a chocolately chip frappeccino or a vanilla rooibus tea soy latte slightly sweetened.

So how about you?  What’s your usual?

Quick snapshot

It has been almost a year and a half since we moved back.  I’ve recently spent some time reflecting on the past year and all that has happened.  I’ve also spent time thinking about the future and setting some goals.  I guess I wouldn’t call them goals… more like a general direction.  Goals to me feel a little bit too much like New Year’s Resolutions and we all know what happens to those by February 1st

My health in the last year has been not-so-good.  I had my bout with the kidney stones.  I still have a couple rolling around but so far have not had any more issues.  Quick – knock on the largest piece of wood you can find!  Then I had the opportunity to experience the ever lovely Bartholin abscess.  We don’t need to talk about that.  Ever.  Recently I had a slight scare with an oncology appointment scheduled by my doctor.  Everything came back extremely healthy (yay me!) but that didn’t explain the swollen lymph nodes and other random symptoms.  They went away and the doctor wrote it off as a random virus.  Ha.  Guess what happened this month?  They’re baaaack.  Of course they are.  But this time I realized that these symptoms appeared at the same time as my other monthly visitor…  coincidence?  I think not.  Time for another round with the doctors.

 My health issues plus a desire to be healthier in general has lead to a modification to our daily food habits.  We’re incorporating more veggies and fruits and scaling back on the “meat” as the main portion of our meals.  We also cut out cereal.  I don’t know the last time we bought a box.  Now we stick to eggs most of the time.  Throw in some sausage, pancakes, waffles and oatmeal and you have most of our breakfast meals.  It has meant getting up a little earlier but it’s so worth it.  No more sugary carbs to fuel our mornings. 

 I’ve also started walking more.  I walk a half mile every day at work and then I try to walk another half mile in the evenings with the dogs.  The nice thing about taking the dogs is they get into the habit of walking rather quickly and if I try to skip a night they’re at the door crying and looking pathetic.  I can’t resist those faces.  The bad part is they fall out of the habit rather quickly too and by night 3 of no walking they’re laying on their bed snoozing away. 

 It’s not only health stuff that I’m working on these days.  I’m also pushing myself to get out of my hermit hole and socialize more.  I’ve re-connected with my best buddies from high school.  It’s been a blast catching up but even better laying the foundation for a new relationship going forward. 

 I know that I haven’t been writing here much but I have been writing.  I’m working on a story.  I’ve gotten positive feedback and I’m excited to see where this story is going.  Maybe one of these days I’ll post some of it here.  We’ll see.

 That’s a quick snapshot of where I am today.