It’s been a little while since I’ve written about my “snapshots” and my depression.
Thanks to a great counselor and her doctor my snapshots are getting much brighter. My mind used to have a constant ticker tape – some of it negative, some of it positive, some of it dreaming of the future, and some of it lamenting the past – but it was constant and it contributed to the ups and downs of my moods. I’ve learned to turn that off and now my mind is kind of… empty-ish. I explained it to my hubby like this. Imagine that you’ve been to a rock concert. When you get in your car to leave you find that your ears are ringing – you can still hear but it’s kind of dull sounding. I no longer have the rock music blaring in my head and it’s left a kind of absence of sound. Or giving a child a piggy back ride and after you put them down you have that absence of weight.
I still have things to work through with my counselor. But now when I get up in the morning I don’t feel like I’m pushing myself through the day and collapsing, exhausted, into bed each night. I’m still waiting for the lure of my hobbies to return. I see my books stacked up, my camera sitting to the side, scrapbooking supplies sitting idle, lonely little beads…. I want to have that itch to create again. But for now, I’m happy in the “absence of”.