My Snapshots

It’s been a little while since I’ve written about my “snapshots” and my depression. 

Thanks to a great counselor and her doctor my snapshots are getting much brighter.  My mind used to have a constant ticker tape – some of it negative, some of it positive, some of it dreaming of the future, and some of it lamenting the past – but it was constant and it contributed to the ups and downs of my moods.  I’ve learned to turn that off and now my mind is kind of… empty-ish.  I explained it to my hubby like this.  Imagine that you’ve been to a rock concert.  When you get in your car to leave you find that your ears are ringing – you can still hear but it’s kind of dull sounding.  I no longer have the rock music blaring in my head and it’s left a kind of absence of sound.  Or giving a child a piggy back ride and after you put them down you have that absence of weight. 

I still have things to work through with my counselor.  But now when I get up in the morning I don’t feel like I’m pushing myself through the day and collapsing, exhausted, into bed each night.  I’m still waiting for the lure of my hobbies to return.  I see my books stacked up, my camera sitting to the side, scrapbooking supplies sitting idle, lonely little beads….  I want to have that itch to create again.  But for now, I’m happy in the “absence of”.

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