My friend Zanne wrote this post recently.  I sat there reading her blog when these two paragraphs jumped out at me. 

but the truth is–i more often think about writing than i actually write. way more often.  i’ve written three-quarters of an essay/article that might actually be good enough to publish–maybe–but i haven’t finished–because i’m still thinking about it. i have a poem that i’ve been working on, as i put it,  for a year.  i think. and there’s the afore-mentioned book, which right now would qualify more as scraps.

and this blog–well, let’s face it.  i certainly post much less frequently than any of us–you or i–at least i hope; if not, please don’t destroy my illusions;  i’ll be crushed! would like.  however, it might seem more frequent to me because there are quite a few posts you’ve never read that are brilliant–brilliant, i tell you–but they’ve never gotten out of my head. but i’ve thought about them. thought about writing them. a lot.”

Me too!  Me too!  For every post I write there’s at least 5 or 6 more floating around in my brain.  Some of them are just snippets, some are long monologues.  A few make it into future posts but most just linger in my thoughts.  I started thinking about why I don’t post more often.  Sometimes I think I’m just too lazy or I tell myself I’ll do it later and later never comes.  Other times I think I’m afraid to really write down what goes on in my head for fear that other people will judge me.  And then there are other times that I think no one would be interested in my brilliant thoughts (because, yes, they are brilliant) or the last conversation with my kiddos. 

So then why do the posts I write get written?  Because I’m bored.  Because I want to share what my kids did that made me laugh.  Because I want to connect with my friends.  Because I want to record my life for my kids to read some day.  Because I’m in the mood to write.  Because I want to know that I’m not alone in my thoughts.

And then there’s this other blog.  The one that I use more as a diary for therapy.  Long ago it started out as my first blog but it quickly became very personal and was – is – a venue for me to think things out.  Why do I even mention it?  It contains my best writing.  I know I don’t have an audience so I am free to write.  I hope that some day when it isn’t all so close to my heart I can share it and hopefully someone that reads it will say “I’m not alone.”


4 responses to “Writing

  • zanne

    good grief. i go to read your blog and suddenly i’m reading MINE. wow! thank you thank you! it means a lot to think that something i wrote resonated with you. and i’m glad to know i’m not alone in all my never-got-written writing. 🙂 i’m regretting that you and i didn’t spend more time together when we could have, you know? we have a lot in common…

    i too have often wished i had ‘the other blog’. the blog that no one i know reads, but i would hope someone who don’t know me does. but it’s a little scary, because what if it got ‘found’? what if it wasn’t that private any more? that would change the whole thing. so i have not yet done it.

    but i’ve thought about it.

    a lot.

  • Rachel

    I feel the same way about you. I wish we spent more time together when we had the chance. Then I wonder if your move was a blessing, because I have learned more about you since you’ve been gone.
    My curiousity is piqued about this other blog. I know it’s pandoras box though, and once it’s opened it cannot be closed again.
    About the blogs and poems in your head.. Did you see the Firm? One time Avery says he charges for the time he’s thinking about the case. When he’s golfing, he’s working on the case so he charges for the time. I think that’s true. The blogs and writings we have in our heads are just as important as the writing we put to paper. As long as it is in there, one day we will write it. Writing for me is the therapy part.

  • jaime

    this is one of the many reasons i love you!

    miss you something fierce…

  • mandie

    I love your blog.. I read it very often and I would confess I am addicted to it (LOL).. I love the way you look at things and the way you love life and God.. Reading your blog always makes me smile, or cry , or pray, or hug my kids a little extra hard because it reminds me they are gonna grow up.. Thank you for sharing your life and this blog with us.. You are truly an inspirational woman..
    God Bless
    Love Ya

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