It’s rainy and grey today. I love the rain – the sounds, the smells. It always puts me in a mellow, reflective mood. Today I received several emails from friends and a note in the mail from a dear friend. What a spot of sunshine on a dreary day!
(WARNING: Whining ahead.) I miss you my friends! I don’t want to be back in Arizona but I want to be back with you. My friend cup is on Empty. Boo.
Lately I feel like my groove is off. Have you had days (weeks) like that? I think it’s because my hubby is working days now. It’s thrown the whole family for a loop and I’m still dizzy. And I think I’m depressed. That’s hard for me to admit because I feel like somehow that makes me ungrateful for God’s blessings or that I’m spiteful of His will in my life or that I should always be content. And I’m not any of those. I know, I know… “there is a season for everything” and “this too shall pass” and “that sucks and I’m sorry it’s happening to you”. Yeah, well. Boo.
There’s a part of me that can stretch above this funk and glimpse a bit of the bigger picture. I know how much I’ve grown because of this move and it’s made me a better person – a better reflection of the Maker. I know that this discontentedness (is that a word?) and uneasiness is causing me to look inward and see things that need to change.
Huh. Refiner’s fire… Amazing what revelations are made when you think (type) aloud. I feel that I am in the refiner’s fire right now. It’s not comfortable or fun but it’s necesary in order to burn off the impurities. That knowledge gives me hope and peace. I know my Maker’s eyes are on me and I know that I will become more pure when it’s over. I need to go mull this over – preferably with some coffee and chocolate and a view of the falling rain.
[Note: I was half tempted to delete this entry and re-type it in a more cohesive manner. I decided to leave it as a testimony to my thought process and God’s revelation in my life.]