Can I go home now?

It’s rainy and grey today.  I love the rain – the sounds, the smells.  It always puts me in a mellow, reflective mood.  Today I received several emails from friends and a note in the mail from a dear friend.  What a spot of sunshine on a dreary day!

(WARNING:  Whining ahead.)  I miss you my friends!  I don’t want to be back in Arizona but I want to be back with you.  My friend cup is on Empty.  Boo.

Lately I feel like my groove is off.  Have you had days (weeks) like that?  I think it’s because my hubby is working days now.  It’s thrown the whole family for a loop and I’m still dizzy.  And I think I’m depressed.  That’s hard for me to admit because I feel like somehow that makes me ungrateful for God’s blessings or that I’m spiteful of His will in my life or that I should always be content.  And I’m not any of those.  I know, I know… “there is a season for everything” and “this too shall pass” and “that sucks and I’m sorry it’s happening to you”.  Yeah, well.  Boo.

There’s a part of me that can stretch above this funk and glimpse a bit of the bigger picture.  I know how much I’ve grown because of this move and it’s made me a better person – a better reflection of the Maker.  I know that this discontentedness (is that a word?) and uneasiness is causing me to look inward and see things that need to change. 

Huh.  Refiner’s fire…  Amazing what revelations are made when you think (type) aloud.  I feel that I am in the refiner’s fire right now.  It’s not comfortable or fun but it’s necesary in order to burn off the impurities.  That knowledge gives me hope and peace.  I know my Maker’s eyes are on me and I know that I will become more pure when it’s over.  I need to go mull this over – preferably with some coffee and chocolate and a view of the falling rain.

[Note:  I was half tempted to delete this entry and re-type it in a more cohesive manner.  I decided to leave it as a testimony to my thought process and God’s revelation in my life.] 

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3 responses to “Can I go home now?

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